If
you’re anything like me and think that next to
guys crying on television, musicals are just the
lamest fucking thing to ever be laid upon the
human race, then you’ll understand my
apprehension about wasting precious porno time
on musicals. Now don’t get me wrong I love Rocky
Horror, Little Shop, and Cannibal as much as the
next man, but those are serious exceptions to my
profound hatred of the musical.
Well folks, meet my new exception and BEHOLD!!!!
Camp Blood :The Musical. If you’re a fan of
Friday the 13th, Sleepaway Camp,
Slaughter High, and anything 80’s than you need
to get some popcorn, wrap yourself up in your
favorite West Side Story blanket call up that
guy who sang in every play all through high
school and hung out with no one but girls but
who you say isn’t gay just “ultra feminine”, and
get ready to fucking laugh.
Camp
Blood :The Musical is written, directed, and
edited by the genius team of Tanner Barklow,
Jefferson Craig, and Thomas Hughes. Set in the
Green Mountains CBTM is the story of a jock, a
nerd, a slut, a Goth chick, a virgin, and a
rebel, (sounds like a bootleg version of The
Breakfast Club) who go up to the camp to work as
counselors and get stalked and killed by a dude
in a ski mask, the stand out performance for me
was Fia Alvarez who played the virgin Kris and
Cain (the rebel), played by Jacob Wolf. Now
before you all put on your “jaded asshole" pants
and scream “Its All Been Done Before”, it has,
however in the span of a half hour you are
treated to an ass-load of tits, asses, coke,
booze, pot, fucking, and girls being cranially
impaled in the midst of a blow job. Where else
could you find a musical number performed by the
killer himself with his victims doing the
background dancing behind him? With a fantastic
soundtrack that is a hybrid of 80’s pop with a
twist of Goblin and songs titled “It’s a Chase
(Death Race)”, and “When the Tops Come Off”,
(which by the way is performed by two topless
girls, CBTM has one of the catchiest, most
brilliantly crafted, marvelously morbid
soundtracks I have ever heard.
In
Conclusion I know I gave kudos to those who
stood out but everyone in the cast was
fantastic. Not only does CBTM deliver laughs and
good music, but it is a fine addition to
anyone’s slasher-film collection. I’m kinda
bummed because not for a long time have I seen
anything this brilliant come out of nowhere, and
I’m afraid that for an even longer time I never
will.
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