remakes and revisions

For years the concept of the remake or revision of an already existing film has been a big thing for Hollywood and even independent filmmakers. There have been an ungodly amount of these monstrosities, but I’ll admit that there have been quite a few exceptions. In order to keep this as short as possible, I’ll only be going as far back as the 80’s. This is just a brief recap on a couple of the bad eggs, as well as some of the goodies.

In the 80’s for some reason or another, in the time of a lot of cheese ball flicks, we were brought some tasteful remakes such as John Carpenters ‘The Thing’ (1982). Though not exactly a remake, it was based more on the original story written by John W. Cambell Jr.. The original film directed by Christian Nyby ‘The Thing From Another World’ (1951) was more of a monster movie. Small tidbits of the story were used to make things a bit more interesting for the viewers of a time when monsters and big bugs were the things that went bump in the night. See, this in my opinion makes for a good remake. If John Carpenter had actually remade the original he would have just gone the typical monster route that horror was slowly, but never completely straying away from.

Another example of true taste as well as complete respect to its predecessor would be David Cronenberg’s ‘The Fly’ (1986). What I mean by taste and respect is that if a remake or revision is going to be done, yes it should be a bit different from its original, but credit must be given where credit is due. Of course you don’t want the exact same film again (ex: Psycho), but give it some style and update it a bit, still using the basic formula given by our early creators. In ‘The Fly’, Cronenberg had used the original idea but used the changes that were beginning to form the world around us. For instance, instead of booths for teleportation, we had computer programmed pods, something that was never seen in films of the old days, not to mention the use of DNA. In the original movie the lead character had remained a man, but with the head and hand of a fly, whereas in the remake he slowly became the fly. His combined DNA with that of a small house fly created a horrific creature, one that didn’t have the exact characteristics of a fly, much like the original, but yet the look of flesh and bone as well as insect. If you pay attention, maybe with the exception of the eyes and his eating habits, Seth Brundle played by Jeff Goldblum had more of a humanoid look about him, which was, for our times a much more believable transformation.

Now, I won’t be getting into detail on these next few, but just giving some honorable mention. We had been delivered remakes and revisions such as Wes Cravens 1972 classic ‘Last House on the Left‘, a revision of Ingmar Bergman’s ‘The Virgin Spring’ made in 1960 and Chuck Russel’s 1988 remake of ‘The Blob’ which was also more realistic to our times than the original which was directed by Irwin S. Yeaworth Jr. in 1958.

Moving forward to the 90’s and 2000’s, more so within the past several years, the concept of the remake and revision has taken a new step; a step towards the downward spiral of the horror genre. Not only has this virus infected the mainstream with full force, but has begun to infect the underground as well. These days it seems as if the Hollywood filmmakers and the script writers have lost all originality. There are many older films that should be left alone and remembered the way they were and still are, classics. With some of my exceptions including ‘The Hills Have Eyes‘, ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre‘, and very few others, the majority of remakes these days lack the respect and originality that the films they are imitating deserve. That’s all some of these films are, fucking imitations. Remakes such as ‘The Omen‘, ‘The Wicker Man‘, ‘When a Stranger Calls’, ‘Black Christmas’ and many others have taken the thoughts and creativity of classic filmmakers and writers and flushed their idea’s right down the fucking toilet, straight to a giant shit filled septic tank.

When it comes to the independent world I cannot say it hasn’t had its fair share of remakes or revisions done in ways that would just make you have to laugh. One film that I will say I enjoyed but I feel should not have been made in the independent world would be David DeFalco’s ‘Chaos’ (2005). Though said not to be, it is flat out obvious that it is a remake of ‘Last House on the Left‘. Not to put it down, because it was damn brutal and quite enjoyable, but DeFalco as well as the films producers have refused to acknowledge or accept the fact that it is most definitely a remake in some way or another. Although the brutality in ‘Chaos’ is exactly what we the fans love to see, even Helen Keller could notice it’s unoriginality. (Note: We at Cinema Eulogies completely support the deaf, dumb and blind.)

When it comes to these big budget Hollywood remakes the originality is gone. It seems that the few good ones have come from foreign directors or those who used to be independent film makers. ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ (2006) was a brilliant revision of the original 1977 Wes Craven classic. It paid much homage and gave a new and interesting twist, aside from the fact that it was violent as hell. Having the director of the brilliant ‘Haute Tension‘, Alexandre Aja was a prime pick for originality considering his obvious love for the true aspects of the genre. The independent world as well has attempted to do a somewhat revision of ’The Hills Have Eyes’, thus came Leigh Slawner’s ‘Hillside Cannibals‘. Though using the name of the family the original ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ was based on, this ok but not so great film is set around the Sawney Bean Family, a cave dwelling cannibalistic clan. The actual events took place in 16th century Scotland, yet this film has it based in our times with the same family. ‘Hillside Cannibals’ is not all that much of a treat but it can definitely be enjoyed by the cheese fan in some of us.

Now on the other hand, when it comes to films that have left shit stains on the screen, my biggest example would be Zack Snyder’s 2004 fuck up entitled ‘Dawn of the Dead‘. Remaking this film was one of the biggest upsets of my life.

The original in my opinion is one of the finest pieces in horror history, and one of the best in the genre. The outcome was a complete disgrace, they paid little to no homage or respect to the original film, with the exception of using a mall. Throughout majority of the film I witnessed just some of the most asinine shit I have ever seen, I’m sure those that agree understand what I‘m saying. Now, if the film did not use the title and based it in a different location, a warehouse perhaps, it may have been a semi enjoyable film. But no, what we witnessed was something that was more like a sequel to ‘28 Days Later‘ (‘28DL’ being an excellent film, so don’t take this the wrong way, I am in no way bashing it). Even though ’28 Days Later’ was not a zombie film, it still would have made more sense for it to be called a sequel to that rather than a remake to ‘Dawn Of The Dead‘. The idea of zombies that can run at ridiculous speeds pisses me off. Well not totally, but in the case of this particular film it was un-fucking-called for. George A. Romero’s 1978 masterpiece should have been left the fuck alone, or the least they could have done was give it to someone who would have really respected the classic. But we can’t always blame the director. I was shocked at the way the remake of ‘DOTD’ turned out considering the screenplay used was written by James Gunn, writer and director of ‘Slither’ which was one hell of a cool flick, not to mention being the writer, non-credited director and co-producer of a true Troma classic ‘Tromeo and Juliette’. Maybe Gunn should stick to original ideas and not attempt to write remakes anymore. There were some aspects of the film that were excellent, such as the acting and the overall look and feel. But sadly, even that did little to no justice at all.

In my opinion, foreign filmmakers brought here to make films for the U.S.A. tend to be the best, but this is not always the case. What happened with the ‘Grudge’ films? Directed by Takashi Shimizu, the same man who directed the original Japanese versions, ‘Ju-on’ and ‘Ju-on 2’ both made in 2000. So what the fuck happened with the remakes? The Japanese versions were excellent, truly scary and not to mention creepy films. But once we, the good old U.S. of A. (more so Hollywood to be specific) got our dirty little hands on him and the rights to his films, god only knows what was done to them by the corporate cunts who decided to release them. Though they may not have been completely to blame, I’m sure they had a hell of a lot to do with the destruction of these films. They could have done a good job and at least attempted to really scare the audience, but why do that? And having Sam Raimi produce these films was, to me, an embarrassment to the horror community. Being the creator of the brilliant ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy, even with his whole spider man kick, which I have to say I did enjoy, it still sucks to think that when it comes to horror films he would get involved in the whole teenie-bopper type of horror bullshit. As if this wasn’t enough, we got the green light on The ‘Grudge 3’, I mean seriously, please, I beg you… Stop! The reason that this shit will not stop is simple, it’s too damn popular to commit these crimes against classic horror celluloid, even though some may not be classics just yet, they are still good films that do not deserve what has, is and will continue being done to them.

Turning films that are still brutal, horrifying and gory into PG13 pieces of shit is a goddamn sin, and some of these people should be burned at the steaks for committing crimes against humanity and luring the innocent to their evil bidding, just as witches were back in the day. Not that I believe that the whole witch trial thing was right, but when it comes to these films, the corporations and big shots of fucking Hollywood that are allowing this filth to be released are the treacherous mongrels that should be set ablaze! I cant even completely blame the filmmakers or writers in certain occasions, some of these films may have been written to be more violent or scary. But no, what the money givers want is what they almost always get. They want to appeal to general public, whom nowadays look down upon ultra violence, sleaze and extreme gore… for the most part anyway. But who gives a fuck, seriously, there are still many people like myself out there who want films that reek beautifully of pure havoc.

I would get deeper and much further into the likings and disliking of certain films that should be left alone, but I have rambled on long enough. The point to this article is to express the feelings of myself and I’m sure more than a few other horror fans from around the globe. Though some of the things I may have said may not be the views of others, I do know from reading and listening to other horror fans that there are plenty others like me that do believe that certain films should be left as they are and not scumfucked by those that have no imagination, creativity or respect. I also can’t even begin to express how I feel about the many remakes/revisions that are on the way to a theatre near you or even straight to DVD. The insanity has got to stop. Perhaps some will be great but of course many will most likely be disturbingly awful. Either way, I and I’m sure many of you other true horror fans, would much rather not have them at all than deal with most of the trash we have and will continue to be dealt. True fans should all gather and rally against this heinous crime but unfortunately there is no point, it will continue for as long as people will continue to watch. There is no saving these masterpieces from being destroyed. Not to tare apart the past anymore, I just prey for the future. We will all have to sit back and just let it happen.

Unfortunately, my fellow gorehounds and gorewhores, like I said, many more are on the way. Prepare yourselves for some heartache, for the most part at least. Lets just keep hope that a few of these films will do some justice and pay the much deserved homage that many of those that are being remade deserve.